Re: Introduce your antagonist(s)

[Poetic-Jessie]

I have two.

Goraidh

human, male, 50-something, warrior, looks like Alan Rickman, the King's Trusted Advisor (in other words, the Evil Vizier). But he's actually more complex than that. Our King is an old, paranoid fool who is convinced mages are out to steal his throne and take over, so with Goraidh's help, he turns his realm into a nightmare for mages. Because he's Genre Blind. Goraidh, on the other hand, has personal reasons to hate mages and he just fuels the old man's fears.

Mages either 1) have sworn loyalty to the King, each assigned a personal handler 2) if they refused, or did anything "illegal", got sent to a horrible prison, few of them have returned and they are completely broken 3) are on the run, under constant threat of 2) or being killed. Most prefer the latter.

Goriadh has a chance to repent later - at least in some variants of the story. I'm doing a Rashomon narration which multiple endings.

I'm curious about Goraidh's (love the name btw) personal reasons to hate mages. What are they? Why does he hate mages so much?

He sounds like he's a bit of a manipulator, whipping up fear and paranoia in the king to suit his own personal goals. This, to me, implied intellect and a knowledge of how humans work. He also sounds influential, possibly going hand-in-hand with the manipulator thing, but he'd need to reach the king's ear somehow. How is he first introduced to the king? Is he of noble birth and reaches the king that way? Or does he make contacts within the king's court and make his way upwards, manipulating on the way and gaining support, so he can reach the king?

And if he has the chance to repent later, how does he come to the conclusion that he's done a bad thing? Does he finally develop compassion for mages? If so, how? Does one of your characters show him the error of his ways? Or does he repent just because he's in trouble and doesn't truly believe in what he's saying and still believes what he did was the right thing?

Raina

human, female, 40s, brown, her hair is prematurely white, but she's still in top form. Wields a two-handed BFS. Co-dragons with Goraidh, leader of the lovely Black Citadel where mages are sent to be reminded their place and their duty to their King. Creepy as fuck. Imagine an Orwellian villain in a high fantasy setting. The reason why they'd break mages rather than kill them all is that they need their skills. Badly. So they make them loyal (Raina speak for "brainwashed slaves") and set a personal guard on each who will all but keep them on a leash.

But she'll be an awesome Final Boss. She's ruthless and unapologetically nasty. I love her. She also plays the tuba in her free time.

I like that she's creepy and Orwellian, but still manages to play the tuba in her free time. I guess it adds to her character. She sounds like a powerful opponent (she has to be as the final boss), and seems to not only have the ability to brainwash slaves, but can wield weapons and fight too. She sounds just as intelligent as Goraidh, in the whole manipulative, knowing how humans operate. But instead of manipulating them to her own personal agenda, she uses her knowledge of human nature to break them, then brainwash them.

I like that you've got really maniulative antagonists, it presents a challenge to those who will go up against her. She could be this evil mastermind sort and have informants all over the place, just waiting for the protagonists to slip up so she can learn all about their plans (other than just "go here, kill them and loot"). This could bring up questions such as who can the protagonists trust when everyone seems to be working for Raina.

She seems more ruthless than Goraidh and, quite possibly, sadistic, more capable in battle too.

If Goraidh has the chance to repent later, does she get the chance too? If so, it sounds as if she doesn't repent whatsoever, she's definitely a villain I'd love to hate.

I think you've got some well-developed antagonists

[Sieglinde]

Goraidh is a nobleman. I think mages must have killed his son. Son to get sympathy and avoid dead backstory women.
I'm not sure yet how he'll realize he's wrong, but there will probably be a great danger to face that must be dealt with. Or Raina does something really outrageous (maybe kill mage children or something like that) and he'll be like nah, there is a line. So he's mostly an Even Evil Has Standards type.

Raina will probably be the one who summons up the danger. She's evil and proud of it. Redemption usually means dying and she'd rather not, thanks. Of course, being the final boss is no life insurance either. She should have studied the Evil Overlord List.

She has some minor villains working for her so we can have multiple minibosses through the story.

[Elowen-Astrid]

They say that antagonists are victims who don't have their story told and I can see this in Tedwin. I like that he has an understandable reason for hunting mages. Vengeance for his dead wife and unborn child. And yes, maybe he's taken it too far and is using this grief as a way to justify killing all mages, but it's still an understandable beginning. 

I think I would feel conflicted about hating him, especially if you give him a good side. Like you wrote, add that he's a good friend, that his fellow hunters rely on him and look up to him. You could possibly throw in a scene or statement about how he comes through and save the lives of children/hapless victims/fellow hunters.

I like that he might have made a deal with a demon to become a better hunter. I'm curious if Rainulf will pick up on this somehow and maybe force him to act on his demon hunting past and confront Tedwin. It's something to think about.

I also like that he's a sort of sniffer dog when it comes to finding mages. It makes him that much more dangerous and makes me curious about how Oliver and the others will keep their magic hidden in general and, especially, around Tedwin.

Even if you didn't add the good side to him, I would still feel conflicted about hating him and this, to me, implies that you've got a well-developed character 

I love your feedback, you are the best.

I woke up this morning with the idea the mage didn't kill Tedwin's wife at all, but that he failed to save her from the mysterious disease. The mage being a skilled healer, but the woman was just to far gone to be able to save her. In his grief Tedwin couldn't accept this. His wife should had been safed and he blames the mage for the dead of his wife. The mage in question was Rainulf's father and Rainulf, who was 12 at the time, was there too. Rainulf's father (who I am going to call Raulf) noticed the change the in Tedwin after his wife passed and send Rainulf away. Raulf who decided to stay a little while longer, hoping to calm the mind of Tedwin and try to convince him he didn't kill her ultimately found his dead as the first of Tedwin's victims. Rainulf ended up meeting Heloise Wyvill, Maerwynn's mother, with whom he became good friends, and stayed with her and others until he was old enough to make his own way in the world (17 years old). He learned from his father about the origins of the illness of Tedwins wife (Who now gets the name Roese). The illness was caused by demons and he tries to learn more of them. In his journeys he meets the marked ones (the demon hunters) and he joins them. The marked ones are also the ones who learned him his fighting skills. After Rigoureus training he becomes quite the fighter/swordsman and he has plenty of experience putting his blade into demons and other vile creatures because magic is not always effective against them. When he learned Heloise was pregnant and the father of the child was a faie he started contacting them regularly and visiting them as often as he could. On his journeys during his demon hunting days he learned many things about magic. And when the persecution of mages became even more severe in Rovèll he decided to make his way to the mages villages where he had lived with Heloise when he was in his teens to protect it. At that time Rainulf was 34 years old. After the dead of Heloise, Rainulf took Maerwynn in but she decided to leave again after a year to live the life she and her mother lived since she was 5. Helping people in villages whenever she could. Rainulf also became a warden of Heliarde who was raised by her grandmother (also a mage) in the mage village. 


(Just a fun fact. The name Rainulf is composed from the parts 'advise' and 'wolf'. The name Raulf is composed from the parts 'counsel' and 'wolf')

[Elowen-Astrid]

I changed Tedwin's age to 53 and Rainulfs age to 40. To make it fit with te background I just wrote here.

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